What 2005 meant to me

It might be better titled what 2005 hit me over the head with:
a) no matter how close you are to a person they may leave you
b) you may re-kindle a friendship you thought was dead
c) blogging is not as scary as previously believed
d) you may find someone who you can fall in love with but they may not love you
e) silence hurts as much as being smacked (this one has scientific backing)
f) it's alright not to know where you are going at 26
g) sometimes you can gain your freedom by speaking the truth
h) if you can make others laugh at your situation then at least you have a good
story
i) I'm sure there are a few I missed but who cares it's almost 2006

Confession IV

I imagine telling people I am pregnant just to freak them out. Then I realize how mean that is but when I am bored I still think of it as an emergency button.

To the whistlers

As I was whistled at it occurred to me that if I had a whip I would lash out with it. The man would be confused but hopefully over time I would condition him to stop whistling at women.

Also the "I want to see your pretty smile" guys, did it ever occur to you that maybe I was smiling earlier. Perhaps right before I looked up and saw you standing there.

Inspiration

This poem was given to me by a friend and it has helped me through some rough times:

Here I stand Naked Before You
Dressed in all your drama
and clothed in all my fears
years passed between us
and we are still here
together, alone with so much to say
with no words and
no syllables to explain
what we are about to do
who would pay for our actions?
(me)
Who would go through with the contusions?
(me)
You made the choice and now I
live dying
trying to figure out why
the decision was easy for you, but the choice
was complicated for me

In the New Year....

I am responsible for the New Year's toast this year. I'm having a hard time deciding what I should say. Maybe it should be about how in the new year we should do a better job of getting to know each other instead of simply meeting up with each other.
Perhaps it should be a big fuck everyone who screwed me over this year. You will get yours in the new.
I should just ditch the party all together. I don't want to play the whose doing who this year game.
Have any good ideas for a party deserter?

The short list

After talking to a friend, I have compiled a short list of the things that men do that still confuse us:

a) If you tell them you think their friend is hot you will never meet
the guy again but have one of your friends come around and you're
pulled into a corner and told to hook them up
b) Want their egos stroked all day and other parts stroked at night.
c) Will get mad and snap at you and then wonder what is wrong with you
d) Expects you to have dinner ready, take care of your children's
homework and potential behavior problems, hold down a job, and
clean the house. Yet he does not understand why you laugh when he says he provides for the household
e) Love you when you are happy but get frightened by a few tears
f) Will not make the first move then tells you you're too aggressive
after you have been dating for a few months
g) Does not understand that a RPG is not the only thing in the world

Fun and games

Yeah, I'm cyber-stalking you.
I had nothing better to do.
I don't know how to stop this
maybe if you did insist
I would not be lonely now
I would be in my wedding gown

Happy whatever

There are all these surveys about how people are tired of saying Happy Holidays and want to tell people Merry Christmas again. If your greeting this season is causing you any type of stress you have missed the point of the season. It's not about what you say-say Good bye people don't really care. It is the fact that you take a minute to say something that people appreciate.
People are just nicer during the holiday season because other people have benn kinder to them. That little greeting (no matter what it is) has brightened someone's day. Don't stress what you say just smile and laugh.
Enjoy the Winter no matter if your happy, merry or blue.

Desire

Why is it men are so quick to tell you they do not want children? Yet, when I suggest they get a simple reversible surgery to prevent this I am insensitive. It is okay for me to pump my body full of carcinogens to satisfy your desire but you will not let me tie you up to fulfill mine.

Tradition

I gave up believing in Santa twenty years ago. Yet, every Christmas Eve I make sure I stay up past midnight. This small tradition tells me I was not always jaded.

Options

I need to get out of my house. I'm sure that the walls are talking to me.

End of strike messes up my weekend

They should have held out. My boss was going to let us go because it was a Friday. I was with you TWU and you let me down.

My breasts

It's funny that I listened to you.
It took me six months to realize you were using your hands for my measurements.
When the curve of my breast outgrew your palm, you critized. I was too fat. Did it make you less of a man because there was more of me?
They fit in my hands now. I do not want to let them go.

Afar

It's really not healthy this obsession of mine. It gives me something to do when I get bored though. One day I'll get tired of it.

Where is the love?

Suffering fuels my creativity. Recently, I have had trouble writing. Maybe I should start dating again.

Sweet contradiction

Listening to you tell me how you hate the objectification of women as I sifted through your porn should have stopped me. However, these idiosyncrasies of yours make me love you.

Servitude: a little ditty

I enjoy watching your feet
sometimes I notice the grass stains
on your sole
knowing even gods need to leave
their pedestals

Naked Revolution II

Recently, I've taken to sleeping naked. I think there is a part of me that believes that this will clean me. I know that this is not true but still the lost of clothing makes each of us feel innocent and unprotected. I think I need to feel that way once a day to preserve the good left inside of me.

Phantom limb

I want to feel you again it was nice to touch someone and not worry that they could read me.

Naked Revolution

I think I want to spend more time with people who find clothing unnecessary. It only gets in our way. Besides you judge me on my labels but forget that I dress purely for comfort. Ohh yeah and the access I love the access.

The Couch

As I sit here I can't help but comment. You are so self-involved you have been taking it as a compliment. A good friend would help you out and stop making fun of you. I told you not to sit me here it always does something to me.

I think I'm beginning to understand

She told me you always do what is in your own self-interest and that was why. I did not believe her because I have known you for so long. This last month and a half you proved me wrong. I silently wonder if it makes you feel like a better person.

Confession III

Sometimes I behave in a manner unbecoming of a woman. I call it my crazy factor but I knew it is not. Rather I am bored with the situation around me and by doing something non-conformist I brighten your day and alleviate the tension.

A simple question

Ever want to hurt someone but realize you just want them to feel the way you do in that instant? I spend a large portion of my time telling myself that is still spiteful and not the empathatic gesture I tell myself it is.

That's why i laugh

Whenever it snows I fall right on my behind in front of a large group of people. I figure it is fate's way of teachng me humility BUT every damn year. jeez.

And Finally Acceptance

I was arguing with yet another friend of mine when it occurred to me it was not them it was me. I just don't like people. They get on my nerves.
Oh people try to convince me that this is wrong but what do they know they're just people. I've accepted our failings. I am not better. I just have the good sense not to praise the minor accomplishment.
I do not try to dazzle people with my intellect they don't deserve it. Besides if you spend time saying you only speak to people with certain intelligence you have already lowered my opinion of you.

confession the sequel

There was a time when I craved consistency

Yeah I'm that self-indulgent

A change in the season is all I can give you
When I reach out for you my hand draws back first
I haven't learned control
New elements have changed my perspective
My name will never fall from those lips

The Aftermath is upon us

Blame me. I always do. They tell me I always play the victim but that is not true. I take all the shit you send my way and hold it inside. What you see as playing the victim is me carrying the guilt and holding my tongue. It is better for all of us that way. I used to say I would untie my tongue but now I can only unhinged my jaw.

I was only trying to help

I never feel obligated to stroke people's egos. My friends tell me that I should learn to play that game. I think it makes me dishonest. I would rather be the friend who tells you have toilet paper sticking out of your pants than the one who lets you walk around with it all day.

Best defense so far

I do not believe in your laws as they are maintained by a monetary system and not a moral one.

ahh friendship

Three weeks ago I got into graduate school and told everyone I knew about it. Two days ago a close friend of mine asked me if I got in yet. I swear I had to stop myself from screaming. I remember all your news especially the important stuff. You always talk about how good my memory is but I think I just bother to care.

Confession

Sometimes when you are simply holding my hand it turns me on

When you were my obsession

I consider writing you everytime I see you online. I guess that means I still have issues.

Within

Only when you are alone do you bother to call me and say hey as I watched you yesterday it occurred to me that I am the only fool who would believe you. Consider this another letter of resignation maybe one day it will stick.

If this were the beginning

Last night you spoke my name. I'm sure your new girlfriend doesn't appreciate that.
I've heard you say you don't care anymore but you keep calling me. Perhaps it's because that CD I burnt you has my name laid down in the background on loop.
Whatever the case I think you need to let me go so i can mess up someone else's life.

The Holidays

With a little anger because I cared. Did these kids really think that Chapter 3 of Trapped in the Closet was appropriate play material for Thanksgiving? They have to understand why I couldn't stick around.