Confession XIV

I forgot that I do not matter. It was silly I know.

Advert

I am trying to decide if it is worth advertising for an "ideal" guy. Problem is I know I'm too chickenshit to do it. Oh Well It's worth thinking about

Oh well

A year ago I started to fall apart and I put myself back together
Last month I had another disconnect.
Question remains do I want to pull together because I am starting to think that if I deal with living when things fall apart I may become happier.

long time coming

I need to stop complaining. Somehow I imagine that writing it down will make me stop but I have seen words here that I can not recall.

Worst Pick-up Line Yet

What can it be who will beat blow job guy. It's " I came over here because you look simple". Ummm guy I think you just lost one.

the best one ever

I wish I did not have to wish anymore.

Ringer is now set to the off position

ever have one of those days where it takes all day to figure out what you will do. You finally colllect yourself you have all your thoughts together you are ready with a pen and paper and then you receive a phone call. The phone call starts with you saying you have to start your work soon. Two hours later your friend stops talking and you are able to start working again. That is why this posting sucks I apologize. Wait the phone just rung again.....

Still growing

When do you realize you are growing up?
There is no magical age no matter how much they try to convince us. A few things signs that I think means we are on our way:
a) you stop holding grudges life is too short
b) you learn forgiveness- you will know the moment it really happens for the first time
c) pole dancing is something you can d o sober
d) you go to the doctor and do what they say
e) you actual listen when people talk - be careful this is a dangerous thing
f) when you go out drinking with friends you are not ALWAYS the drunk one

Unnecessary commentary

I need to put a stop falling in love with any man who can maintain a conversation with me for fifteen minutes. It gets me in trouble. Besides I tend to attract 68% jerk.

Dreams

Last night, I dreamed that a man told me my life story as he sat naked on the porcelain throne. I believe I am finally cracking up.

The Crazy B**ch Theory

I know that my sanity is always in question. The other day I was talking to a friend (one of the nicest people I know) and he says to me oh no Emily (another friend of ours) is a crazy bitch. This simple statement gave me pause. Emily is one of the sanest people I know; occasionally she parties too hard. It dawned on me then that no matter how conservative and stoic a woman is some man will consider her a crazy bitch. I finally understand crazy bitch is not crazy. She is the woman in a man's life who really just wants be his friend and treats him like one of the girls because of this. She does not want to sleep with you but if she expresses interest in any other male of your acquaintance; the title crazy bitch is bestowed upon her. I guess what I am saying is thank you for throwing me out of your life as crazy bitch. I am finally beginning to understand.

gauntlet

When challenged speak these words "are you sure?". Remember this is a challenge these words should say I know what I am capable of but I do not think you do I may be a crazy person. This will save your position in the workforce. Remember it is a jungle out there.

Confession XIII

When I want to forget my emotional attachment to someone I write their name on my leg and wear it for a day.I wash it off the next day. This little routine has helped me through some hard times

but other than that.....

I stretched and pulled until there was nothing left
My mind drifted
Refuge in discovering my own character
I smile
Was that the reason you turned from me because I would not cry
Once I was filled with you and could take no more it all came pouring out of me.
A fool because I thought you would understand
after 10 long years we all need to empty and refill
Friendship is knowing we have the space left
Honesty between us needed re-examining
I loved him and not you
was that the reason
I was not fool enough to pursue it
it would have hurt you
you protected me by pushing me away
I grew up that year moved on
found that I still missed your crazy adventures
Cried
Took what I needed
I still smile when strangers talk to me
knowing the lesson is i can not trust myself
I live (the best revenge)
I remember I have nothing to prove to you

Scared

People scare me. It is not their ways ( I do not know everyone). It is their potential. I know what I am capable of and I am starting to project

Vividly

Last night, I dreamed that your breathe past along the back on my neck. HMMM. I felt it as if it was a sensation that my memory wanted to remember. Funny thing is you have never caressed me that way it is to intimate a geature for us.

Movies

This one came from Mark. I know a lot of movies. Fortunately, I only stuck with one.
"Screw Plot! I just want action up the wazoo!" (favorite action movies):
They all sort of blend together w/o the plot

"Was the movie really 6 hours long? It only felt like 2!" (movies that were so great they felt like they ended too soon):

"Gah! The movie was only 2 hours? It felt like 6!" (movies you can't believe you sat through [or maybe you didn't]):
I enjoyed the movie but LOTR

"If you tell ANYONE about this..." (movies that made you cry, even if you weren't supposed to):
any really good love story no one dies but still
most recently Pirates

"I wouldn't see that movie if my life depended on it!" (movies that you have never seen, and have no desire to see):
titanic (yup I said it)

"Cartoons, they ain't just for kids!" (favorite animated [yes, CG animation is fine here] movies):
spirited away
"I'm a romantic at heart." (favorite date movies):
better off dead
"Shockingly, I thought it was pretty good." (movies that you were surprised you actually liked):
devil's backbone
"Why am I the only one? Am I just wierd?" (movies that are generally panned, but for some reason you like them anyway):
long kiss goodnight
OPTIONAL:

"Japanese cartoons, they DEFINETLY ain't just for kids!" (favorite anime movies):

"I wish they would make another movie about them." (sequels you wish they would make):

It

I was tagged by shrewness so here goes:

2 moments in your life you'd like to erase:

* staying all night if I had left....
* whenever I engage in an argument

4 moments you'd like to relive:

* the first time I went swimming
* A single conversation on the stairs
* Holding my first boyfriend's hand
* finding someone you can trust

2 places you wouldn't go to/go to again:

None really come to mind

4 places you cant wait to visit/visit again: [ now this is a question i like!]

* everywhere

2 foods you cant stand:

* mussels
* cant stand is very harch I think I just need to have food preparerd in a diferernt way
4 foods you love:

* almost all food I have not tried everything yet and seafood I try every once in a while

2 current songs that make you change the station:

I try not to listen to the radio they alays play the same ten songs and then I find myself singing along regardless of how I feel about the song

4 current songs you play over and over:

* green eyes, erykah badu
* so hard, dixie chicks
* space oddity, david bowie
* whenever you're away from me, gene kelly and olivia newton-john

2 books youd never finish/read again:

if a book is that bad i put it out of my mind

4 books you have read more than once, and/or will read again:

* sugar
* a spell for chameleon
* the body's question
* calvin and hobbes collection

I don't think I'll tag anyone but you are welcome to do it yourself

Fishies

Ever felt as if you were drowning when you are walking down the street? I wonder if that is a physical manifestation of a possible psychological condition.

Hmmm

Today, I saw a wine bottle opener strapped to the back of a baby stroller. Where is ths baby going? Why wasnt I invited?

Over my head

Whenever I encounter a problem I can't fix I usually sleep on it. I'm sure that this sort of thing is frowned upon at work but I will keep trying. This may be the next valid business model.

A Buying Problem

I may have to stay away from stores for a while. I thought it was only a good cloth/shoe sale I could not resist. Nope found cherries for a dollar good ones too. THere were plums and peaches and you get the point. Anyway when I was done And trying to get the bag home I realized I may have a problem. I think this may become the beginning of my shut-in theory.

One of those

I always wonder: why is it that when you plan you do absolutely nothing that is when you spend the week running around? The plan was to stay home and clean (blah) instead I drove out of state and never got to bed before two. Fun but I think I might needa nap.

I can't be the only one

I have spent the last few hours watching "old" (before 1970) movies. It made me wonder, what happened to dialogue? Some of the old films were very witty. I'm sure somewhere there is a script that is not filled with blatant sex jokes and nudity for comedy. Whomever you are when they make your movie know you have at least one audience member.

Confession XII

When I meet a guy I like, I buy new lingerie. He and I may never get together but at least I have new lingerie.

New laws

There should be a law that states when the temperature reads above 94 and it is disgusting no one should have to leave there house. It have a fun title like summer snow day.

Sad but true

I am known for traveling an hour and a half for good dessert.

Entropy

As I sit amongst my papers, I realize I am a scientific concept in action. Who am I to mess with the natural order.

Theory Number 496

I believe the world would be a better place, if the greeting were a single counterclockwise rub. It makes people laugh and is supposedly good for circulation when done repeatedly.

Questions

Over the last three days, a few questions keep coming to mind. I am trying to force them out. Answer if you want. Add your own if you wish. I like questions but tend to give brief replies.

1. Real or fake? Do they feel different? Does it matter to you?
2. Why did I not pursue you?
3. Am I really that fussy?
4. Brains or Beauty?
5. chocolate mousse, wedding cake, strawberry shortcake, peach cheesecake, fruit
salad?
6. How long do you want to live?
7. Pull the plug or hope to wake up?
8. Why is underwear necessary?
9. Are you really going to tell me that story a third time?
10. Will telling you make me feel better?
11. Why am I so angry?
12. What other careers do you wish you pursued?
13. What if I don't really like you? Maybe I just want someone because it's July, am
I really that seasonal?

Running Out of Gas

I think about my decisions this is why I have developed coping mechanisms to keep me from becoming unhappy. They are starting to fail me.I must find new ones.

Better Now

I was so angry I almost ended it all. I called a number because I needed to talk to someone who did not care, only that would give me perspective. I needed humor to help me feel light again so I looked you up THANK YOU for your superfluous words. It ended without you. I do not need to validate through you. An international call came with the reminder that for some hurting others is the only think that helps them get through the day. I will never get over my incident though there are things much worse that can happen but this one is mine. I wish I could tell you readers what happened but then it would look at me each time I turned on the computer and this is one time I need the pain to lessen. Sorry this one is for me to feel human again.

Broken

Your ability to make
little out of so many pieces
fascinated me
How can you take
what is broken
and warped
and change it
try to make me whole again
your mastery of that fine craft tested
every decision questioned
I need to know that I can access my pain
it has made me who I am

It is who you were
We are new
I have used our memories as glue

A common question

Have you ever met someone and had great physical chemistry? You also knew it would not last? What do you do? Sex or mental health?

Building

As I lay on the bathroom floor trying to keep the contents of my stomach down, I realized: Friendships are truly strong when you can visit someone for the second time at their house and 20 minutes after arrival puke (because of sun poisoning). They will offer you a floor to lay on, a way to clean up after, and continue to talk to you as if nothing is wrong because they know it makes you feel better. Don't worry I am okay now.

Motto Re-visited

I think my new motto when meeting people is now: Whomever, you are, I think you are fabulous because you will teach me something about life. (even if you are a jerk!)

Secret

It take three little words to undo me
Three that mean so much
You look deeply into my eyes and say
"Hold my Hand"
There is nothing more intimate than a simple touch

Mistaken for Bravery

Recently, I have become an inspiration at work. People tell me I can "handle" situations well and they wish they could be more like me.
Secret to my success; Naiveté it takes a few minutes for me to catch on that someone is trying to intimidate me into doing something. When I catch on, they are so frustrated they leave me alone. Oh yeah and I make the sour face that always works too.

Confession XI

I am starting to cyber-stalk you again. I think I am overwhelmed and I have to do something that reminded me of last summer. Do not worry. I was by your house on a completely unrelated matter and I did not get off the train to visit, though I did think about it twice.

a fools' gathering

if you are in a room with five people and no one disagrees. You are surrounded by fools and they are not helping you.

Shutter Shy

Ever go through your photos and wonder "Was I really happy? or was I smiling for the camera?". I find myself looking back and thinking "that smile was fake. Why would you do that?" I think I have to stop taking photos unless I am really having a good time.

Words Spoken to me once

He told me I was beautiful and I disagreed. So he told me my soul was beautiful and it completed his. I loved him more in that moment but knew I would never hurt his girlfriend. I could not be that girl for him.

Re-invented

My new superhero name is Injustice woman. My friend told me I am rarely angry for me but always relied up about someone else's situation.

Angry Girl

I never think of myself as an angry person. I do get passionate about something and then I forget about it but today...Well someone says to me "I never knew you used that” I gave him the dirtiest look. He has steered clear of me since. Later, a different co-worker tells me I use such a menacing voice to ask for something that she is scared of me.


Okay, okay in context:
Guy decided to place a desk in front of my storage cabinet. I use it everyday now I suppose I will become a contortionist to hang up my purse.

I just heard how two of my other co-workers are hiding a third's computer because he left it on a desk (guess you cannot pee). What is he ten you have to "teach him a lesson"? Maybe I am still a little pissed off about this one.

Things

I saw this over at shrewness and decided to borrow. Hope you do not mind.


100 THINGS ABOUT ME


INSTRUCTIONS:


1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.

here we go!!


01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love broccoli
04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books
06. I once slept in a toilet
07. I love playing video games
08. I adore marijuana
09. I watch porn movies 10. I watch 'One Tree Hill'
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colors on their backs
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like George W. Bush
15. People are cool - at least most of them are.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a Toyota and a pool
18. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself
20. I'm really, really smart
22. I have a secret
23. I hate rain
24. I drink health juice
25. Punk rock rules - the Ramones are the bomb!!
26. I hate Bill Gates
27. I love Vietnamese food
28. I would hate to be famous
29. I am not a morning person
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have short hair
32. I have potential
33. I'm pure Afghan
34. My legs are two different sizes - i know my feet are two different sizes, i dont know about my legs.
35. I have a twin - you mean the good one we keep locked in my parents basement??
36. I wear those long ass socks
37. I can roll my tongue
38. I like the way that I look
39. I'm obsessed with Italian food
40. I know how to French braid
41. I can be pessimistic or optimistic whenever I want
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I skateboard/snowboard
44. I think that skateboarders are HOT
45. I'm in a band
46. I have talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single
50. I can't swim
51. My favorite color is either blue, red, or white
52. I practically live in sweatshirts
53. I love to shop
54. I would classify myself as either punk or goth
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I'm a prep, shop at abercrombie, and ADMIT IT
57. I'm obsessed with my xanga - my what???
58. I don't hate anyone
59. I know how to square dance - shut up!
60. I have a unibrow
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mom
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I know how to play the tuba
66. I need coffee to live
67. I have had a boyfriend before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently like someone and they have no idea that I like them
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have kids when I get older
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Hilary Duff fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything
77. I love broadway plays, and have been to at least 3
78. I have no idea who the 38th president was -
79. I plan on seeing Mary Kate and Ashley's new movie
80. I am completely shy around the opposite sex
81. I'm online 24/7
82. I have at least 25 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party
84. I loved Rush Hour - and rush hour 2
85. I've read all of the Harry Potter trilogy
86. If I were a dwarf, I would be dopey
87. When I was a kid I played with G.I. Joe
88. I dont mind country music
89. I would die for my friends
90. I think that Juicy Fruit is the best type of gum
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive and paranoid and extremely jumpy
93. I would love to be demi moore because ashton kutchers a major hottie
94. I love the Beatles.. they're classic
95. I know all the words to 'I'm a barbie girl' - in a barbie world! life in plastic... ok ill stop now.
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy..
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
98. I have to fart
99. I want this damned thing to be over!
100. I'm happy.

Squirrelly Nuts

I believe at least once a year you should do something that will make another person say there will be hell to pay. That way you know you are doing something right.

one word

MIMES !!!!!!!!!

Stupid Internet

I have internet access it works when it wants to. I know all the connections to check and cables to rearrange. Finally, i called the company the guy said and I quote: "you sound like you know what you are doing". Yeah, because I have called at least five times in the last six months. The technician is coming tomorrow as you can see the online problem has fixed itself after a mere four days of fiddling.

Neuroses on Display

If you ever have an argument with me, I will want to talk to you about it and clear the air. Most of the people I know, do not like to do this. They prefer to ignore me and then start talking to me as if we never had a fight at all. When I say something about this particularity, they tell me that I should respect their decision not to discuss it. Normally, I do this as I can walk away from an argument and be upset with the situation and not at the person. However, at some point I start to think wait if we never talk about our arguments I am not respected. Wait that cannot be right but we will never discuss it...

My muse

I never knew his real name
I owe him my freedom
His presence gave me back my voice
Because I needed to defend myself
He touched me only when he was drunk
He felt that talking to me was too confusing
I am eloquent now

Curious

What happened to confessions? I feel there is more to say but I have lost the ability to do so.

Different than....

I received a letter from a friend today and she wrote, "You understand the world in a way most people never will and unfortunately there's a price for that."
After reading these lines, I realized that most of my life people have told me that most people will not see it that way and then they walk away from me.
I enjoy being different, I encourage others to celebrate their differences, and yes I have lost people because of this part of me.
I cry because of this part of me and I am tired often. I have to encourage a generation to find their voices knowing they will be judged by someone else's and made tired by their own struggle.
I have to remember that it is the price we all pay and sometimes to protect someone else we pay their way too.

A Theme

I left chocolate chips cookies on the table with my nutter butters. I was coming back. Five minutes later cookies are gone. What....are the food and drink gods angry? Perhaps I need to sacrifice bread and water in an elaborate ceremony to celebrate the complexity of high fructose corn syrup. I guess the question is what do you wear to a food ceremony?

You are kidding right

I put a big bottle of juice in the refrigerator over the weekend so it would be there when I returned to work. Over the weekend, someone drank it AND I WORK ON SATURDAYS. The kicker is it was for the kids. Ughh what is wrong with people?

Name Calling

When I do not stop to talk to strangers on the street they always call me a b--ch. One day I will stop, turn around, and say,"No sir, the fact that I ignore you does not make me a bitch, A bit of an asshole maybe. If you want to call people names at least do it right," then I would keep walking. So far I have not found anyone worth the time for this little correction.

Question

At what point, does the way someone treats other people affect the way you see them?

I laughed and laughed

Friday's child ("ruled" by Venus)--Affectionate, sympathetic, caring, social, artistic and/or seductive, over-sexed, vain, vulgar, lazy

Acquiring strange smells

I was told I smelled like baby powder today. It surprised me because I have not used baby powder in months. Where did the powder come from? Is there a secret powder fairy?

Value

I decided today that if I ran into you on the street and you were hanging out with someone I did not care for, I would walk up to you and say hello. Simply put I enjoy being your friend more. Not that there is anything wrong with crossing the street to avoid someone it just is not me.

Finished Works

Every once in a while I think I should write a book on that. Then I remember I have trouble finshing anything I begin.

All I want to know

If you carry your doggie in one of those baby carriers when does it get to use the bathroom?

A year ago

Before... I was quiet and internally angry. More people got along with me but I was miserable.

Now... I am not as quiet. I have lost a few friends because I voice my opinion. I have lost some patience. I argue when I feel something is wrong. I am not as miserable and I entertain people with my twisted view of the world.

I'm not sure if it's better but it is different.

Where the time has gone.....

I had a paper due I convinced myself that if I did not use the computer I would complete some work and not spend my time writing the night before it was done. Nope I slept instead. The paper is finally done though

Fantasy choices # 1

If I were a mythical beast I would be a phoenix.

Epiphany

There is a saying that says if you think everyone around you is a fool what does that make you. Today I encountered yet another jerk while hanging out. It suddenly occurred to me that if I feel that 60 percent of the time I am surrounded by jerks. I must be a jerk too. My apologies for inflicting myself on you.

Sleeping Well

Last Night I broke a promise to myself. I no longer worry about repercussions.

The challenge

There are only so many plots in the world I can only think of a few. Any ideas what they could be. I hear the list totals 26.

Dampened

Why is it when family visits your house after you have left for work and they have taken their shower, do they leave their damp towels thrown about for you to "discover"? Ewwww.

What me ?

At what point in a conversation when someone tells you you are an interesting person do you start to worry?

On a day like today

You would be grateful if a stranger hugged you. It is almost over and tomorrow I'll get more sleep that always improves my disposition.

Choco-magic

Every once in awhile I wish I could think of a chocolate and it would appear. It would be economically and tasty. I should start working on it.

Evil schoolwork

I think after the age of twenty you should never have to do homework again.

I had to do it

Though not officially tagged I could not resist. Thanks Shrewness

accent - Fast is the usual description
booze of choice - whatever I haven't tried on the menu
chore I hate - cleaning any and all
dog or cat - cat I wish
essential electronics - some type of music playing device
favorite perfume/cologne - I'm not big on perfumes
gold or silver - silver
hometown - NYC, NY
insomnia - nope
job title - teacher
kids - none
living arrangement - a lot of people in a minumum of space
most admired trait - I was told it was my ability to be honest
number of sexual partners - zero
overnight hospital stays - only at birth
phobia - none that comes to mind
quote - People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived,
reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
religion - none of them have it right
siblings - one younger brother and one younger sister
time I wake up - 6:14
unusual talent/skill - the ability to laugh at myself
vegetable I refuse to eat - I am trying to ease back into Brussels sprouts
worst habit - I tend to push people away
x-rays - none I can recall
yummy foods I make - cakes, cookies, lasagna,
zodiac sign - Gemini (mostly Leo though)

My type

I am not that girl. I appreciate your honestly but when you have a girlfriend/wife at home. I am just not interested. No amount of begging will change that. Oh yeah telling me you will never be honest with another woman again that will not change my mind.

Oww my stomach

No more entrees that end with the word gigante

I do not know whom I should believe

My Grain of Salt
The experts say
that I will be happy once I find you
the experts say
that life will only be better with you
the experts say
I will not know myself until I can define myself through you
I say
you can only make me happier it starts with me
that I will see myself in you but will find definition only in myself
since the experts use to say
that going to college would ruin my marriage prospects
and smoking would only improve my health
I think I believe what I say instead

Sandwich

I just walked into a room and smelled a ham and cheese sandwich. Funny thing is there was no sandwich there was no one else around. I think I'm hungry.....

New Psych Standards

I was told I am having a breakdown because I have started to give my opinion. I always thought it was the fact that I kept stuff in and experience an outburst of blinding rage that indicated a breakdown. Guess not, having an opinion more indicative of a mental break.

Research working for me

My obsessive personality trait comes to the surface whenever I meet someone new. I spend most of my time thinking about them. However, research suggests that if I try not to think about it I will think about it even more. I suppose that means I will continue to hide in the bushes. It's only good sense.

Afterwards

I will rest now

Le sigh

I went into a store today and smelled a massage bar so good I wish I had a massage friend. Ahh such is life.

New Neural Networking

Everyone has a trigger a sense that overwhelms the rest of their senses. Mine is smell. I can not smell certain meals or room freshners or cologne without thinking of certain people and certain events. I have a certain lotion I try not to wear because the few occasions I did wear it events just did not turn out right. I am trying to make peace with my lotion now. It is a hard job.

A little manual

Yeah, I am in that place. I was having a great day until someone asked for my opinion and then walked away from me. I did not walk up to you and ask questions (and I tend to ask many questions). You came up to me. Perhaps I should write the guide to question asking. It would start:
a) If you are not interested DO NOT ASK- It is not fun for people to watch your mind wander
b) You should know when to stop asking questions. If someone says, "I am going to the restroom". Do not continue questioning them. People do not give that much information unless they really need to leave.
c) If you ask a stupid question, you have to expect a stupid answer- It is the nature of the question. I should clarify this point if you see someone laughing and ask him or her if they are having a good time their reply may be "until you came by"... Wait that rhymes
d) Do not try to trick people into answer questions they do not want to. Oh it can be done but it is insulting to the person you are talking to.

In the past, I was guilty of some of these question-crimes. Now I can only hope to prevent others from making the same mistakes I have.

Touching Hands

I did not want you for your looks or money
Honestly you had neither
I wanted you for your hands
They were the same as mine
I know how much they could hold

All giggly

I spent most of my day laughing over simple things. I am feeling as if I have been up for two days straight.

Shattered Truths

It is funny that we try so hard knowing we will never survive. Once I heard, "It is the way we live our lives that make the difference. Your life has value because it means something to you." When I am tired, I am pretty sure this is a lie. I am tired.

Question

Why are people who do not cry considered stronger than those who do?

Small Celebration Dance

This is it number one hundred. I would have balloons or something but I have not figured out how to do that yet.

Pattern?

I re-discovered these cookies a few weeks ago. I can only eat two a day or I start to feel queasy. Unfortunately, whenever I have the box I eat more than two. (They are just that good.) Later, I feel queasy. Next day, I am looking at the box longingly--yep queasy. This goes on for a few days. Finally, the box is finished. I go to the grocery store for my genera shopping and what is on sale. I pick up another box maybe this time it will be different....
This goes on for about a month then I am sick of them until next year.

Confession X

When I am depressed, I find the smile in inanimate objects.

Restoring the Order

When people lie to me after I find out, I cannot look at them when I tell them the truth. I think it is my way of balancing the lie.

Names

These names strike me as the funniest because the name callers are my teachers.
a) Dance class- hoochie coochie girl. ME you would have to meet me to understand why this was funny. My friend laughs every time.
b) Leadership training- the muscle. Wow, I have never gotten into a fight in my life yet somehow I am always the tough.

If I put the two together, I might have my new secret identity.

B

I remembered why I never took philosophy class in college. They ask you what you honestly think formulated from your own ideas and then grade you. How can you grade my philosophy? By your own standards, my unique experiences have shaped the hows and whys of my own thought process. Therefore, anything I give to you is the highest quality based on me. There is no way for you to weigh the importance of my thoughts.

Self Discovery

Today, I learned that when I am hungry and tired I am easily irritated. Perhaps this explains my work hostility, I never have time to eat lunch.

Train Ride Amusement

Whenever someone helps me on the subway I say thanks and think that's so nice . Later, my overactive imagination kicks in and I think "She/He is probably some sort of criminal and that was their good deed of the week. The crime spree will now continue." I spend the rest of my ride glancing at them sideways and laughing.

Gets me through the day

Conversation with Co-worker:
Me: You are a Catholic, right?"
Co-worker: "Yes"
M: What did you give up for Lent?
C: Nothing. I do it off and on.
M: You should try giving up corn syrup.
C: Okay, that should not be so hard. I mostly drink water. Co-worker reaches for Rice Krispies
M: You cannot have that there is corn syrup in it.
C: You're shitting me. Well, I need my cereal so guess I'm not doing it this year. Pass the milk.


Maybe my sense of humor is a little off but this exchange springs up in my mind and has made me laugh for a few days now.

Blame the weather

There are certain signs that your place of employment is starting to stress you:

A) You hope there is a building power outage.
B) You spend the day before with your sickest co-worker in hopes of catching something
C) You consider changing all your contact information so they cannot find you.
D) You keep checking to see if your passport is up-to-date and what are the latest international fares.
E) You refuse to wear anything but pajamas for a week in the hopes that someone will catch you and send you home
F) You volunteer to go to the main office though it is two hours out of your way.
G) You wake up thinking there would be a second alarm clock.
H) You spend time in the shower trying to work up a convincing cough.
I) You wake up crying because it can’t possibly be time to leave

Confession IX

Sometimes I think it is best that I am alone.

My fault

That I stopped giving my opinion. You made it very clear that it held no value to you a month ago. Perhaps, you should consider why you are upset. Is it because I had nothing to say and so you lost the opportunity to hear yourself speak. Is it because I will not play that game with you? Is it because I was the only one who was not afraid to be honest with you? I will unclench my jaw now. Whatever you decide I will wait until your tantrum is over and then we can get some work done.

At this moment

Ever have one of those days where someone tries to make you feel foolish by calling you out. First, you feel angry because they tried to embarrass you. Later, you feel sad because you respected that person and they could not talk to you like an adult. That is how I feel right now.

After I had some time to think about it

I still think you are wrong. This does not mean I have not forgiven you. It seems that we have a difference of opinion. I listened to your argument it just did not persuade me.

Little Miss Helpful

When at the Jacobs Convention Center, the least you can do is help the registration people out by handing out papers (oh and calenders for people to write on). They will reward you by sneaking you on to the express line and giving you gift bags.

Quirks

I don't want to overwhelm you so I shall only list one for now:
a) sometimes when I type I hear a voice with a British accent reading my post

b) I mix non-alcoholic drinks together. Try the OJ and Coke it is pretty good but SWEET.

c) I miss the theme song to certain TV shows.

Confession VIII

I want to create a secret identity so I can write to you without you knowing it is me.

Smelly

I enjoy Altoids. Unfortunately, there are many people who cringe at the thought of having one of these mints. I am the friend who carries the mints so I decided to make a change and switch to Certs instead. I have found out too late, that Altoids have the added bonus of being so strong that if someone else has bad breath and refuses to take a mint, I smell minty refreshment anyhow. I denounce you Certs. You were but a pale replacement. I am returning to curiously strong. The heck with the others. They should buy their own mints.

A Comment for my NJT Friend

Whenever I leave the city I run into some New Yorker who feels obligated to talk to me throughout our entire trip back to the city. When we reach the city, she/he acts as if we never had a conversation and ignores me while we ride the subway together. I understand you want someone to talk on the train but really that is just rude. Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest

Life Lesson Number 356

I have learned that I am an unintentional flirter. Therefore, I must apologize to all men whose arm I have touched in conversation. As well as, anyone who I have engaged in conversation because they looked like they weren't having a good time. It was only friendly conversation to help your time pass. My apologies.

At 3am

I could help you with your frustrations. I just do not want to anymore.

Questions, Questions

I took this from shrewness and changed the answers. Hope you don't mind!!

1. what time did you get up this morning? 6:20 - and then I was almost late
2. diamonds or pearls? pearls
3. what was the last film you saw at the cinema? last holiday- it made me think I should appreciate the things i have
4. what is your favorite tv show(s): grey's anatomy, CSI
5. what did you have for breakfast? half a bagel and fruit salad
6. what is your middle name? It means bee
7. what is your favorite food? cuisine? If it is edible, I will probably call it my favorite
8. what foods do you dislike? I am not a fan of all seafood
9. Wild card question: Where was the last place you took vacation? Disney World
10. favorite sandwich? Chicken parmesan
11. what characteristics do you despise? arrogance
12. favorite item of clothing? jeans
13. if you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? somewhere with a clear view of the ocean floor
14. what color is your bathroom? pink and white
15. favorite brand(s) of clothing? umm whoever is on sale
16. where would you retire to? an island
17. favorite time of day? bedtime
18. where were you born? in a room with a doctor
19. favorite sport to watch? you know the one with the ball and the men
20. who do you least expect to send this back? me
21. person you expect to send it back first? me
22. what laundry detergent do you use? gain
23. coke or pepsi? coke, the good kind too. none of that diet stuff! (shrewness said it first I just agree)
24. are you a morning person or night owl? night owl
25. What size shoe do you wear? 8, 8.5, and 9. It depends where I shop
26. do you have pets? sadly, no
27. any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I have regular income now
28. what did you want to be when you were little? a doctor
29. candy bar? yes, thank you
30. what is your best childhood memory? seeing Muppets Live
31. what are the different jobs you have had in your life? I believe job is too generous a title for what I have done
32. what color underwear are you wearing? pink with spots
33. nicknames: nope
34. eye color: brown
35. who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? the people i sent it to
36. last person you went to dinner with: my friend jennifer
37. what are you listening to right now? CSI

Maybe if I pretend

It isn't because I want to lie to you. It's simply because a lifetime of habit is hard to break. My hesitation was not me becoming a liar. I was trying to correct it. It was me trying to be who I really was instead of the liar I had become.

Confession VII

I fall in love too easily.

My apologies?

I saw you today waved and kept walking. I know I should have stopped but I had to get to my train besides you always slow me down.

The Conspiracy

I have managed to lose my favorite pair of pants. At first I thought they were in the laundry but I washed clothes today and they did not turn up.
Here's what I suspect really happened: When I was at work, the other fifteen pair of black pants in the bureau got together and nabbed the favored pair (Out of jealousy, you should see how they snub the greys). I must watch the garbage closely, as this is their final destination.

Ahh shoveling

All I am saying is if my back hurts so much. There should be sweaty, naked activity involved.

Blizzard Conditions?

Hello Snow,
Couldn't you wait until Monday?
I wanted a snow day, too.

Valentine's Day

My promise to you is this I'll never celebrate this pretend holiday. Ohh I 'll have the candy but that's just because I'm a chocolate junkie. And for spite.

It doesn't really make me bitter. It's just why do people go out of their way once a year? Show someone you love unexpectedly on any random day that makes it really special.

Are you out there? Can you hear this?

I don't know why I believe I should meet new people. I will meet them, do something to push them away, then feel bad about it. I keep expecting to change my behavior then.....
Anyone want to meet up I have to fill this month's quota before I am labeled a hermit?

Just Plain Torture

I have spent three days doing nothing but sitting in a room all day and reading papers. It is starting to drive me crazy. My eyes they burn. People can't sit still that long. Then they pump you full of sugar so now I'm all hyped up.
Problem is I am in a school building I think it has caused me to regress. I put my head down around 1pm and took a little nap (like when you were in kindergarten). When I woke up and looked around, I had started a trend.

What's so amazing?

Every time we kiss
I am reminded that distrust leaves a bitter taste in my mouth
Every time we kiss
I wonder whose tongue parted your lips hours before
Everytime we kiss
I forget who I am suppose to be
I exist only for you
All in that simple kiss

Day six

Topic: The first time you "discovered" underwear, list three things that made it a discovery

1) I just remember having to buy my first bra and wanting it to be black (I was going through some stuff). My mom told me no. I have all the black bras I want now.

2) I remember finding out that panties came in all sorts of different designs and shapes. I wanted to explore them all

3) I discovered that I didn't have to always wear underwear. Try it you'll see why it's a discovery.


Apparently that is it. I'm sure you now have way more information then you could possibly want.

Day five

Topic: List three marketing promotions that you've seen in your lifetime that stick out in your mind.

1) the old yellow pages ad with the sheep on the magnet that was later revealed to be steel wool. That whole campaign was actually witty.

2) the M&M commercials when the chocolate originally spoke and people would keep eating them

3) the milk commercials- I like the one with the man and the cookies and the animal crackers

There are a lot of ad campaigns I enjoy but can't remember the product so I figure those didn't get the job done.

A few questions

1) What's wrong with nice?
I use it describe people's dispositions. It's a compliment I rarely give anyone.

2) why am I such a bad friend?
I mean when someone pisses me off the first thing that goes through my mind should not be "doesn't matter". That is your friend their opinion should always count.

3) Why don't I go to sleep?
I know I have to get up in the morning. Do I enjoy that type of torture?

Call it what you will

As luck would have it, three days ago I randomly ran into my spark. I had to step back and say what was I thinking?
I ran into his ex-girlfriend today. They are better together than either one of them is apart. Hopefully, they will find each other again.
Guess life does not want me dwelling on the what could have beens. Yep, sometimes even cynics believe in fate.

Day Four

Topic: Aside from the obvious (watch/wallet, etc), list three items that can be found in your pockets or purse.

1) a notebook and pen- I like to rant on paper instead of at people.
2) a book- I try to learn something new no matter what I am reading
3) Perfume- I ride the train

There are other items in my purse but I can not tell you everything

Day Three

Topic: Name a food item that you've eaten, prepared 3 different ways. List them, and explain your favorite.

I am a bit of a sugar junkie, I went with one of my favorite junk foods: Ice Cream

1)Fried Ice Cream- It's so good. Ice cream rolled in cornflakes, cinnamon, and sugar. It is not overly sweet either. I used to make my own then realized I had a problem and banned corn flakes from my house until the phase passed.

2)Cake- I'm not very particular about this one. I enjoy the kind with crunchies and the kind with real cake. Every birthday party I am involved with I try to convince someone to buy an ice cream cake.

3)Plain- I don't mean plain like vanilla (though vanilla is one of my favorites). I mean plain like a scoop in a bowl. I enjoy savoring the flavor of each taste.


I know there are more ways to prepare ice cream. These are just the first ones that came to mind.

Day Two -Three week

I cheated a little in my answer but hey wouldn't you rather have the truth anyway.

Topic: You've just bought a new box of Crayola Crayons, the big 96 count box. You open it up, what are the first three crayons you pull out and examine, and why?

If we are suppose to be honest I have not looked at a big box of crayons in a while.

1. I remember my favorite part was always the crayon sharpener. I enjoyed trying to get it out of the box without breaking the box apart.

2. The favorite names I enjoy were:
Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown
Outer Space

I find the fact that they have tried to be creative with the names for what is
essentially black and brown amusing.

3. Manatee- because it's named after an animal. It's standing on the outside trying
to get in with the other colors. (Accept that you will never be a sea blue. That
name is too ordinary anyway)

Three Week

I've been tagged. I'd link you to the original blog but see number two. I've managed to copy today's topic and answer the question.

Topic: List three things that people online wouldn't normally know about you (the more detailed, the better).

1) Once every few months I try to get friends together for board games. I have tried at least four times. I am still unsuccessful.

2) I don't really know how to use this blog thing but I learn something new everytime I log on.

3) I am very clumsy

Half-Full

People have started telling me I am an optimist. I want to tell them I consider death a bonus; optimistic is not an adequate description of my outlook. I figure once you are facedown: roll over, look up, and try not to take anyone with you until you can get on your feet again.

Wishful Thinking

Ever have one of those days where all you want is a good shag? I'm sure it would propel me through the next week.

I wake up in the morning

People often ask me why I come to work early. I like to set the alarm to one time and not press the snooze button. Every once in a while, I have days when I don't leave my bed until the time I am usually leaving my house. I delay getting to work further by getting a real breakfast and refusing to run for the bus. I just manage to show up on time. I like the idea of getting there in my own time instead of rushing because someone is giving me a paycheck.

The guilty pleasures list

I was tagged I don't know if I can pass it on but I do have guilty pleasures:

1) I watch bad teen movies....They always make me laugh
2) I enjoy video games
3) Can I count blogging? Is that redundant?
4) I read romance novels and hope the writer makes the jump into mainstream
5) I enjoy wandering around pharmacies and supermarkets.

Bonus: I enjoy a good jelly and grilled cheese sandwich.


There are more but five is a pretty good number.

Confession VI

I spent eight years making sure I didn't fall in love. Last year I met my spark and he did not want me.

yum

Theory of the week:
Men are like ice cream, when we were younger it was easy to choose you had vanilla, chocolate and sometimes strawberry. These limited choices forced us to pick one.

Now that we are older I feel as if I am walking into an ice cream shop with every flavor you've ever heard of (even the discontinued ones). My palette has diversified. How can I choose now?

Complicating this

Ever met someone and think you are perfectly matched. They actually understand you without explanation. You even share common interests. However, if you were together it would create an awkward situation for other people. So you distance yourself and create a bad situation anyway. Maybe I alone have this power.

Keep to the sunny side

Why is it that I always worry when someone says, "I have something to tell you just not right now"? I think from now on I will assume they are being followed. That way I won't worry too much and the suspense won't keep me up at night.

relationship

If I did not warn you about the difficulty ahead I would not be me.

State of mind today

When you are no longer afraid of being honest and hurting my feelings does not scare you then you are my friend.

but are you really

People enjoy telling me how considerate they are. How they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. How they don't want to lie to anyone. How sad it makes them when people don't get along.
Next they go out to dinner with you, pick up the phone, and tell their other friend they can't make it because they are not feeling well.
Let's say I have trouble believing them now.

Sun in the morning

The problem with me is I find a man, I fix him up, then I send him back into the world to find his perfect match. I think I'm improving the relationship odds of the world. My best friend says I've turned a fear of intimacy into a public service.

A moment's contemplation

As I stand on the street I wonder:

Could I reach out and smack the next teenager that tries to run down an old lady? Would that be justice? Oh yes, I think it is.

Limitations

I always give myself time limits. The thing is when you really want something (or some one) it doesn't matter. You keep moving your time back until you realize.....

It's still sweet

"You're like that you know."
"Like what?"
"The vinegar on strawberries."
"Yeah, I know"

Confession V

One day I will run through the streets of New York naked.This will help tourists move out of my way.

The first to say it

I heard you've moved on. My friend did not know about our past. It was not that I did not suspect you had someone else. What surprised me was that after seven months of writing about how much it hurt to lose you I actually did not feel hurt. Guess it really wasn't that deep. Happy Birthday.

If only I had said it

Men are the answer.
It's the question that is indecent.

My close friend

If I were different, if I trusted you a little less, if I stopped being me....maybe we would still be. It is the pain of knowing I hurt (less and less) but you are unaffected despite how close we were.

It doesn't mean anything

When I apologize, I mean it or I do not apologize. I expected you to respect me enough to do the same.

Observations

Today a friend told me I should write a book about what I experience when I go out. I've decided to try to record what happens on a typical night.

The first section would contain such pick-up lines as:
a) (while looking at a picture of a guy on his cell phone) That’s the way it
would look if you were on top.
b) Guy to me: My you look thirsty. Would you like to give me a blow job?

The second would include bathroom line conversation such as:

a) Guy in front of me in the bathroom line: "Look at that MF....his penis size will
decrease the further in the line he tries to cut. Six inches ...three inches...
one inch...look at that MF cutting to the front."
b) A woman who cut in front of the line as she exits the restroom: That sure was a
long wait. Aren't you glad you get to go in now?
Reply: I would have been in already if you hadn't jumped the line.

New Year

I have enjoyed great company and great food today. If the rest of the year is anything like this, 2006 will be great.

New Year's Eve

Having spent New Year's Eve at a party, I feel it would be nice to establish these simple don’ts for dancing with me.

Rules for dancing with me:
a) Don’t lick me. I just met you.
b) Don’t touch my breasts. I'm ticklish and will start to laugh.
c) Don't ask me to touch my friend. You don't know us that well.
d) Don't tell me to stop laughing. You are trying so hard all I can do is laugh.